The Hardest Thanksgiving: A NICU Story of Strength and Healing

Written by Martha Sharkey, Founder of Today is a Good Day

"We will leave here with two, one, or none – We will be OK whatever path is chosen for our family." Those were the words my husband said to me right after the neonatologist left my hospital room following a difficult two-hour consult. It was the most harrowing moment of our lives at that point, learning about the likelihood of losing our identical twin girls if they were born so prematurely. On November 9, 2010, at just 23 weeks and 0 days into my pregnancy, I was admitted to bed rest.

Five days later, on November 14, 2010, our daughters arrived, significantly earlier than their March 8, 2011, due date. We were thrust into the world of the NICU, unprepared for the challenges ahead. Those early days were filled with challenging decisions, hard moments, endless prayers, and constant vigilance.

Whenever the doctors said, "Today is a good day for Claire" or "Today is a good day for Mary," we rejoiced in those simple words. The “good days” were few and far between early on during our journey.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving brought us devastating news about our daughter, Mary. Although she was the stronger twin at birth, she was now struggling. Claire, who had been fighting since birth, weighed only 15 oz., down from 1 lb. 2 oz., and was diagnosed with significant brain bleeds, anemia, and meningitis. We never anticipated that it would be Mary who faced the greatest struggle.

On Thanksgiving Day, Mary's prognosis worsened. The doctors asked if we wanted to hold her and practice skin-to-skin kangaroo care, a decision we weren't prepared to make. We were terrified of hurting her, unsure of how to handle her distended stomach and the IV in her tiny head. We were frightened and overwhelmed by the thought that Claire could be in the same condition at any moment.

We spent Thanksgiving Day in the NICU, grappling with the reality that Mary might not survive, and Claire's future was equally uncertain. It was an emotionally devastating time for Paul and me.

When we returned home, we found solace in the beautiful Thanksgiving meal prepared by my parents. Our exhaustion from the NICU was momentarily eased by the warmth and love of our family.

It was a challenging time, but we found moments of joy amidst the hardship.

On the Sunday after Thanksgiving, we held Mary as she took her last breath at 2:15 pm. We said our goodbyes, took photos, loved her, and cried. Then, we returned to Claire, who was hovering around 1 lb., uncertain of what her future held.

Though those NICU moments happened nearly 15 years ago, they remain vivid in my memory.

Thanksgiving that year was incredibly difficult. Through Today is a Good Day, we strive to bring a bit of joy to families during the Thanksgiving holiday.

In 2018, inspired by our own experience navigating the NICU during the holiday season, we launched the Thanksgiving Meal Project. To date, we have delivered over 2500 Thanksgiving meals to families on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

This initiative is close to our hearts, as we understand how challenging Thanksgiving can be during a NICU stay. We are grateful for the opportunity to live our mission through programs like the Thanksgiving Meal Project.

For those currently going through the NICU, you are not alone. Today is a Good Day is here for you with resources and programs to offer you support. To learn more about our mission and ways to get involved, visit www.todayisagoodday.org.